On Childhood and Confidence

When I was about 4 years old or thereabouts my mother used to make me sing and recite nursery rhymes and prayers in her presence while the cassette recorder was turned on. I was pretty much articulate, except that I really talked like I was always in a hurry, and my r's were so trilled. We still keep that old cassette tape, and would listen to it occasionally. Everytime I hear it I would wonder where everything about me went wrong. I was a bold little girl then, very talkative and never shy. I never hesitated to say everything I wanted to say. I was confident. Everything became the opposite when I started going to school. Boldness meant impertinence, being talkative meant being a gossip, worse, a shrew, and confidence meant bragging--"angas". Every personality had to be tamed down, muted, to suit the society. I learned to conform--the hard way. By the time I graduated from high school I was a quiet,proper girl,whose confidence was dwindling. I hated myself then.
When I went to college,everything was new. I decided to re-live my life. I was 12 hours away from home,I told myself. I can start being independent now. From a boarding house that my mother and I picked out, I came to live with my best friends in an apartment that we chose, then eventually to an apartment of my own that I shared with my younger brother. From the degree I originally planned to major in, I shifted courses and pined for a degree that I really liked and knew I'd do well in. From a scaredy cat who refused to appear in front of the stage, I came to join a performing group and became one of the most flexible artists there. Eventually, I regained some part of my old self that I lost between childhood and adolescence. I like myself now.
Of course, I still retain a trace of the qualities that I acquired during elementary and high school, but I am trying to keep them at bay. I know I have a long way to go. I may undergo a lot more of changes as I go on in life, but I'll strive never to lose the child in me.